AssistedConception.org

Our story started three years ago. At the time of my 30th birthday in Nov 2001, I came off the pill to see what would happen. I started taking folic acid and reducing my alcohol intake within reason and just got on with life without thinking much more about it. As the months slipped by, my cycle kicked back into line and every four weeks my period would arrive.

At first this didn’t bother either of us too much as we were aware that it often takes time for a conception to take place. However at the back of my mind I was aware of a family history of infertility problems on my side. My elder sister does not ovulate, and has been having IVF treatments for the last 5 years. She has had many, many unsuccessful IVF treatments over this time. A few years ago her consultant mentioned to her that there was a chance that her condition was something that her sisters might also have and he asked her to mention this to us. When on holiday in September 2002, we discussed the fact that nothing had happened yet and although we had not been trying for a full year, with respect to my family history I wondered whether I was ovulating or not. So we went along to our GP who organised some initial tests: I had the day 21 Progesterone test while my husband gave a semen sample. Our results showed that my blood progesterone levels were within the normal limitations, but my husband’s semen sample showed low motility.

Based on these findings our GP referred us to the local ACS unit at the local NHS hospital, which advised us we’d have approximately 8 months before any treatments could be discussed or started. We went for a private appointment in Dec 2002 as we wanted to have access to specialist opinion on our results as we both couldn’t wait 8 months. At this consultation the semen results were interpreted in such a way that an ICSI cycle was advised. We decided to enjoy Christmas and New Year and confront our problem in the New Year. We had an ICSI treatment in March 2003, when we retrieved 9 eggs, 6 of which fertilised, 2 were transferred and the remaining embryos were not suitable for storage. This treatment was unsuccessful. We knew our NHS treatment wouldn’t come up until Sept, but both found this initial failed cycle so difficult to deal with that we decided we’d try and live normally between the April and the September.

It was during these long and difficult months that we realised normal living was something that would continue to elude us. That spring /Summer passed in 2 week cycles…2 weeks to ovulation and 2 weeks until we found out if a period would arrive or not…it always did: infuriatingly every 28 days! We also went along to see a counsellor. But unfortunately neither of us really found this helpful. The Consultant we saw at the NHS hospital in the September interpreted the semen sample results in the direction of IVF and not ICSI, so our second treatment was an IVF treatment. This treatment kicked off in October 2003. This time we only retrieved 5 eggs, 2 of which were transferred and the remainder destroyed. On 10th December we found out this treatment was unsuccessful. The timing did not bode well for a good Christmas. We had put so much store into this cycle working. The disappointment of a poor response to the drugs, poor quality of embryos and ultimately a negative pregnancy test was quite a blow. At the same time, probably because of the age we are at, it seemed everyone we knew was either about to give birth or were pregnant. In the week before Christmas three close friends announced their happy news of summer 2004 babies. I felt at the time I was standing at the edge of an abyss and so close to toppling over into it. Looking back it is hard to believe the double life we were leading. Externally behaving as how we thought appropriate but internally torturing both ourselves and each other.

New Years Eve was a particularly difficult night as it started off with the news in the afternoon of a new baby girl being born into the family. The first few days of 2004 were especially bleak. We had both reached a cross roads: things had to change in order to survive this and we had to move
forward with our lives and with further fertility treatments. I had picked up a flyer for Cradle at the hospital and it was at this low point that I turned to them for help. This was a breath of fresh air.
At my first meeting in Jan 04 I met up with the group and for the first time in about a year, felt normal again. I couldn’t believe that my black thoughts, jealous feelings, frustration and anger were the exact feelings some of the other girls felt. I couldn’t believe how natural I felt amongst this group of strangers…a far cry from how I was feeling in my normal every day surroundings, where I seemed to be playing the role of ‘how my life should be’. We started our third cycle (again IVF) in Feb 2004. I had also started a course of acupuncture in the hope of eradicating the huge amount of negative energy I felt was trapped in my body which I felt caused the poor bodily response to the drugs in cycle number two. I was hoping that the acupuncture would reduce stress levels and introduce calmness to my life in order to have a better, healthier body for the third treatment. This time we retrieved 9 eggs, 8 of which fertilised and two were implanted. Again the 6 left over were not suitable for storage.

On Wednesday 24th March 2004, at 0630 hours I collected the urine sample for taking into the hospital that day. Like the times before I tested this sample with a home pregnancy test. When that blue line appeared on the test stick it was like you read in books and see on movies…the blue line was JUST SO BLUE. We kept the test stick for ages and kept referring to it every time we doubted I was pregnant! and eventually threw it away as it was getting to be quite unhygienic! Our baby is due on 30/11/04 which means this Christmas and New Year will be very very different from last year.

I question all the time what was different about our 3rd cycle over the 1st and 2nd and honestly do not know what that was. Maybe it was my New Year attitude of survival, maybe it was the acupuncture, or maybe just pure luck. All I know is that no matter how bad it gets you do find the strength to go on. I don’t know where it comes from, but you’ve got to believe you can do it. Assisted conception can work, it does work, and it will work for you.
Merry Christmas and good luck for 2005.