AssistedConception.org

I was diagnosed with Endometriosis when I was 20 and was given minimum treatment for it. Four months before I was due to marry I saw my consultant again, who advised me that as I was going to start trying for a family soon after my wedding he was not prepared to treat me further. He was very rude and dismissive and I was too naive to fight so I walked out of his office without even thinking of the consequences.

I knew that Endo could reduce fertility but to be honest everything had always come so easily for me, I didn’t think having a baby would be any different!! I guess I buried my head in the sand and thought that I would be one of the lucky ones.

Two years later I received a kick up the backside when four members of my family announced they were pregnant and I finally admitted to myself that there might be a problem.

Because of the Endo I was spared a lot of the usual fertility tests at the doctors. I had a blood test to check ovulation and when that came back positive I was referred straight to a gynecologist who recommended an HSG. This is where radioactive dye is injected vaginally and an x-ray taken. I went back two weeks later for the results. The consultant advised me that both my fallopian tubes were blocked and although they could laser the adhesions the little hairs in the tubes that help push the egg on its journey were no longer present due to the damage, so anything they did would be pointless. I was given a 1 in 1 million chance of conceiving naturally and was advised IVF was my only real chance. After collecting all the relevant information about clinics and consultants in my area, I fled the hospital in tears. I stayed at home crying for two days!!!

The Treatment

I started with Nafaralin on day 21 of my cycle. This is a nasal spray that you have to use twice a day. If you sneeze just after using it you have to do it again!! Its purpose is to put you into a Menopause, so hot flushes are included!! I then had the first of many vaginal scans to check that there were no follicles on my ovaries. I then commenced the daily injections, which would stimulate my ovaries to produce eggs. I was given an Epipen to do these with but I found this hurt more, so I just injected straight into my stomach. The hospital showed me how.

Every other day for about a week and a half I had to attend the hospital for a scan and occasionally a blood test to check on my progress. They like the follicles to be above 15mm before removing them. When they reached a good size I was given Profaasi to inject. This has to be done 36 hours before egg collection is planned and on some occasions I have had to stay up until 3am in order to do this.

Egg collection is done under general anesthetic and although there is some discomfort afterwards it is not painful. While the surgery was being performed my husband’s sperm was collected. Three days later we were back at the hospital having the embryos replaced. We were allowed to see them magnified on a screen beforehand.

For the next two weeks I had to administer more drugs, in the form of suppositories, to support the embryos. I was advised that a pregnancy test would be performed at the end of the two weeks.

I never made it that far.

The first time was the hardest. I had put all of my heart and soul into it and nothing prepared me for the total overwhelming grief I felt.

The constant roller coaster of emotions is exhausting, so after the third failed attempt we decided to take a break to recharge. We tried to put it out of our minds but because I knew there was a very slim possibility it could happen naturally, I never really relaxed and every month I would feel the disappointment all over again.

After 18 months we went back to see our consultant, who advised that new research in America indicated that in some cases where tubes are blocked and damaged they can produce toxins which can then leak into the uterus and destroy the embryos. He recommended an operation to remove my damaged tubes.

Over the next couple of weeks my husband and I did a lot of soul searching and talking to try and reach a decision over what appeared to be a drastic step. I decided to take the chance and have the operation. Although my husband was still apprehensive about it, he supported my decision.

I had the operation in January of this year and after a few months of recovery we went back to the clinic for our fourth attempt.

Just as with the first time my hopes for success were very high. We only had four embryos but for the first time two of them were of a good enough quality to freeze.

Unfortunately my period started two days before I was due to take my pregnancy test. I cried the whole day and refused to speak to anyone, even my husband. I just couldn’t put the emotional pain I was feeling into words.

I contacted the clinic the next day to advise them and find out what my options were. They advised using the frozen embryos in my next cycle. However, there had been a problem with the machine used in the freezing process and they could not guarantee that the embryos would survive the thaw!!! We went ahead with the frozen cycle - which was much less invasive, both physically and emotionally - but as they suspected the embryos did not survive. We decided to go straight into our fifth assisted cycle. Mentally I think this cycle was much easier for me…however it didn’t deter from the feeling of complete despair when my period started three days before the pregnancy test was due.

I now feel very despondent and have started to question whether it will ever happen for us. We are taking a break over Christmas and have also started discussing other options such as surrogacy and adoption - something I refused to even consider before.

We will try again in the New Year. I am not prepared to give up yet.

The operation in January has made the times between treatments easier to bear. I can now enjoy sex again, just for the fun of it.

My advice to anybody is to question everything. Take all the help and support offered to you. If it is not offered, ask for it.

My mum once asked me how I cope with it all and manage to stay positive. I told her that I had a choice. I could appreciate the good things in my life - my husband, my family and my friends or I could let it drag me down and lose everything!!

Gemma

Since writing this, Gemma was shocked to discover 1 month on, that she did become pregnant with her last cycle of treatment but was in actual fact suffering from a slow miscarrigae of twins. Due to the fact that she did become pregnant with this cycle her clinic allowed her to begin with a fresh cyce. She is currenlty half way though this cycle and we shall keep you updated on her progress.

Sam MacCuish
Cradle Editor