AssistedConception.org

Helen and I were married in August 1991. After a few years, we decided to try for a family and expected that children would come along naturally. This did not happen as we thought it would. We buried our heads in the sand hoping that things would change, they didn’t and eventually decided to go for help.

Investigations showed that Helen had some problems and it was suggested that we consider assisted conception, specifically artificial insemination. In December 2003 we received an appointment from the NHS for 2nd June 2004.

We decided to look into going private as we did not want to wait due to our ages. We made an appointment at the Nuffield Hospital in Glasgow for January 2004 and it was agreed that we would try artificial insemination starting in February. As part of the process I had to produce a semen sample, which I did and thought no more of it until two days before Helen was due to start testing for the artificial insemination procedure.

I received a call at work from the hospital asking me to provide another sample as the results showed a problem. I tried, unsuccessfully, to remain positive for the rest of the day until the new results were known. The result confirmed that I had low sperm motility and this meant that the original treatment was no longer an option.

I was in a total state of shock. I went through every emotion imaginable and discovered a few emotions I did not realise I had. I felt particularly guilty given the timing, permanence and implications of the results. However, Helen did not allow me too much of a pity party. She asked if I had blamed her for our situation up until then, which I did not, so why should she blame me for our new circumstances. This helped me a lot to put things into perspective.

Next we had to look at our new options, if artificial insemination was out, what was the next alternative. We discussed all the options with the hospital and it was decided that our only option would be Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI).

This meant we were faced with a whole new situation and when the treatment was explained to us I was gutted and no matter what any-one said, the fact remained that Helen would have to go through the process due to my problem. As her husband I am meant to look after her, not put her through what I would describe now as a difficult and stressful procedure.

After much thought and soul searching we decided to go ahead with the treatment. I attended every appointment with Helen and tried to support her as best I could as she went for the injections, scans, etc.

Although I was with her every step of the way I did not truly feel part of the process. My underlying emotion through the whole procedure was feeling guilty that it was Helen and not me going through the treatment.

After the egg retrieval we had 17 eggs, 10 of which fertilised. 2 embryos were transferred on 13th May 2004 and the other 8 have been frozen. This was a good outcome for us, but we were aware there were no guarantees attached to this

I hate waiting and the 2 week wait between the transfer and getting the result was almost unbearable. 11 days after the transfer we knew the process had been unsuccessful. It was a relief to know the outcome as the waiting was terrible but I felt devastated that the process had not worked.

At the start of the process people told us it would take over our lives. I thought we would be different, how wrong I was. The process has consumed our lives over the past 5 months and I have learned a lot about what is important.

We are currently waiting for our next appointment at the Nuffield to see about the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). I feel a bit in limbo at the moment, as this is another waiting period.

We have longed for a family for a long time. We were devastated when we realised this was not very likely to happen naturally. The treatment process is not an easy road but we are trying to stay positive. The next step is frozen embryo transfer which we are hoping to do over the next few months.

Helen and Gordon have since had 2 more frozen embryo transfers without pregnancy but are thinking positively and about to begin a fresh cycle.

Sam MacCuish
Cradle Editor